dating again

Dating Reboot - Out of the Frying Pan & Back Into The Fire

Martin Cooney

Apr 16, 2014 — 7 min read

Dating Reboot – The Right Way

Forget the past bullshit & the tough memories. It’s party time!

This post is for anyone looking to get back on to the dating bandwagon.

Many of you had been following my recent ups and downs, the good and the bad and the flow of my life through my writing and my relationships.

No matter if you’re from Surrey Hills or Scandinavia, dating (or dating again) can be a hard slog so I’m sure many of you will get some tips from my ranting.

There’s always hope at the end of the dating tunnel.

dating is different for everybody — What anyone else thinks of your journey has nothing to do with you.

Forgetting Is Important

There’s always a degree of hardship when you come out of a failed relationship. I went through this myself.

With every failure comes an amount of mental work you need to do on yourself. Equally important is to recognise and forgive yourself and your previous partner.

Failure is just another lesson moving forward to your success

This gets you on the road to healing.

With the next stop being to then forget all the past bullshit and move past those tough memories.

You can now focus on what’s more important:

your life
your success journey
and your ultimate and eventual happiness.

What’s done is done. You’re the person with so much to give, when you discover the right person who is right for you.

forget the past and travel towards your own dreams — Forget and forgive the past and travel towards your own dreams

Think Different

I’ve always been fond of a particular quote:

If you keep doing the same thing then expect to get the same results.

Now re-read it. I hope you are going to experience ‘a light bulb moment‘.

It was time for me to do something radically different.

After many conversations with different people in my trusted circle of friends, I decided it was time to move on.

Both from the country that I called home for 50 odd years as well as, what I believe, to be an ongoing sabotage of male equality in the western world.

That change was to make a new home in Thailand and, what I’ve now discovered, the delights and wonders of Thai ladies.

‘Yum’ is one word to describe them :)

Surprisingly Easy Happiness

I’ve been in Thailand now for about two months.

I took the easy dating path and used a dedicated Thai online dating website.

These websites continue to gain popularity by allowing you to remain relatively anonymous until you find a number of potential matches.

So during this initial time in Thailand, including settling in and familiarising myself with Thailand, I had coffee or lunch with several (younger than me) Thai ladies.

I am currently seeing a 37 year old Thai woman.

Taste The Difference

To give you an idea of just how much joy and fun she is, she is:

Sexy
Sensual
Stunningly gorgeous
Slim
Respecting of me, as a man (Thailand culture is based around respect)
Respectful of my opinions and asks questions
Recognises the value I have to openly share
Actively and openly shares, of our mutual values
Easy to have a conversation with
And a few other things, equally important :)

Yes, Thailand really has opened my eyes to an increased level of happiness, I’ve never before experienced.

your true soulmate is out there looking for you — Your true soulmate is out there looking for you. Get out there and find them.

Same Rules Or Not?

When we talk of dating, there’re always certain rules. You might call it etiquette,

In the way you go about things with a potential partner or ‘dating match’.

These rules have common foundation such as honesty and truth. Some rules will change, depending on the culture that you decide to date within. Thai culture dictates a few different ones.

It takes a bit of time to learn any new rules and I was fortunate enough to have a good friend I’ve known for 10 or 15 years who has already lived in Bangkok for two years.

When I touched down in Thailand, I was fast tracked into learning the Thail dating rulebook – great fun too!

For me (and you too), it was understanding there’re different mindsets to Thai women – good and bad and subsets of both.

I wasn’t remotely interested in any sort of encounter with Thai Bargirls nor after brief and casual encounters either.

Seek Who It Is That You Want

For those of you getting back into dating, I’d ask you to read a previous post I wrote, about clarity in the person that you seek. It’s an easy exercise to do and just requires a bit of honest thinking, on your part.

It was no different for me in Thailand.

I used the same method which allowed me to decide whether the first lunch date was going to amount to something more substantial.

It was an essential part of my dating toolkit, to understand this clarity.

It’s unlikely you’ll find your ‘special person’ on your first date with the first person.

Try, Try Again

You need to try is many potential matches as you need.

Because Thailand has a greater percentage population of women to men, I found myself in the situation of having a number of beautiful young Thai ladies vying for my western man interest, at any one time.

Nice male ego stroke and a common situation here.

This required me to keep a running list of Pros and Cons on each girl.

That turned out to be good thing to do. I could give more attention to those likely to amount to something, on my Partner Wish List.

Test Drive

I know this sounds mechanical and the process is.

The dating game is a bit of a crapshoot.

You are playing the dating percentages here.

This is just the truth and the reality of the dating situation, OK?

That first meeting is a tick box exercise: weighing the attribute percentages you previously decided, as a good match for you.

Refer to that previous article, to better understand how that works.

Remember To Park The Car

I won’t enter into a relationship when there is a possibility of a third person involved. Relationships are an ‘All In or All Out’ situation.

It’s important for me to stop any further dating activity so I could give better focus to the woman involved.

After all, this is my own future happiness I’m talking about – you need to take it seriously as well.

You only discover the true nature of the person when you can do that and sometimes the test drive just doesn’t work out. Some marriages ultimately turn out the same.

Sometimes Dating Doesn’t Work Out

If the date isn’t working, it’s okay.

Have that uncomfortable conversation, to explain why it’s time to move on. It’s likely to be a sad time, for either or both.

Then go back to square one – try, try again.

Remember, you’re playing a game of percentages – the prize is your success, for your future.

Oh Yeah…

I’m as happy as a pig in shit too.

Say a few Words?

So what do you think of the journey so far?
Too anti-feminist for you?

Tell us your thoughts, in the comments below.