cheating

Is Spying On Your Partner Healthy? No, It Isn't

Martin Cooney

Jul 17, 2011 — 5 min read

There are always two sides to every story, aren’t there?

If you have yet to check out a recent guest blog post on ‘Is Technology Destroying Relationships’, do go give it a read.

It’s been a popular post and I’d like to talk about the other side to it now.

Trust or Spying. Which is best? — Trusting or Spying. Which is best?

Technology Warning Before We Start

I’d like to start off by saying you should really only be spying into these sorts of probing ONLY if you have suspicions – doing otherwise suggests your relationships might have trust, honesty, and communication challenges, in some regard.

While we all have to be mindful of too much technology detracting from the personal and human interaction of a healthy relationship, technology has its uses in protecting people from getting into a relationship with someone with a bad history of abuse or deception.

I heard a recent radio segment the other day on a number of women who had to end their relationships, due to the discovery their boyfriends or partners were what they referred to as ‘love rats’.

The term was one I’d never heard however a love rat is the same as a ‘bad boy’.

These women were unsuspecting of what lurked beneath the surface of their boyfriends’ personalities, totally.

However, a few obvious signs eventually popped up that lead them to further investigation.

Here are a few of those examples:

Spying – Facebook Can Start or End It

I’ve always rejoiced in the fact that Facebook was an ideal platform for starting a relationship and, in fact, that’s how my relationship with Pamela Allen started and why I wrote an ebook on the subject. It can be an incredible and positive avenue for people looking for a relationship.

It can also be your savior if your partner might be cheating, spying or hiding things from you too.

Betty (not her real name) was in a relationship with Peter (not his real name either) for a number of years, as well as sharing a child together. She mentioned on the radio show she was under the real impression she had a great relationship with Peter.

Not a suspicion in the world, she indicated.

What happened next shocked her to her core.

While her partner was away on a business trip, she was browsing his Facebook page and noticed photos pop up with him and another woman.

What had happened was he was secretly seeing another woman, they were both out and the ‘other woman’ took some memorable photos and uploaded them to her Facebook and tagged them both in the photos.

Naturally, the photos he was tagged in were shown on Facebook Wall, for the world to see – including his wife.

Needless to say, this incident exposed his longstanding spying affair and that little game is now over.

He apparently was a chronic adulterer.

The Internet Gives You Up

Another example I was unaware of, where the existence of several websites, dedicated to exposing cheating men (and women) so they no longer hurt any future relationships.

Liars, Cheaters, and Bastards is one such site.

And it does a pretty good job of helping others steer clear of habitual players and cheaters – both men as well as women.

I wonder just how many unsuspecting men and women are in relationships with liars and cheats?

From the look of the mentioned site, there’s an epidemic of players out there, just looking for their next unsuspecting victim.

Homeland Security & Spying

If you really do feel the need to investigate the goings-on of your partner, there’ll likely be telltale tracks right there at home.

Mobile phones all hold email and SMS.
Home PCs for email.
- One guy recently found a deleted email in his trash from his Russian wife to her secret sex partner.
- Though the excuse apparently went on that she was just using this third party for pure sexual enjoyment, she was still under the impression she was safe by just deleting the email.
Home phone bills also hold repeating secret calls.
- You’re always able to scan these for numbers you don’t know and especially those where they’re used often.

I know I’m very open with my second wife Pamela Allen in her checking out my laptop and/or phone, anytime she’d like.

(Funny that Pamela feels odd in sharing with me though but that’s ok with me as that’s her choice)

Does your partner feel strongly about keeping their personal devices secret from you?

I view it as ‘nothing to hide’ and openness with my partner to ensure Pam feels totally safe in our relationship.

And we all sometimes have questions about what the other person might be doing – call it insurance in the other person’s feelings.

Do You Feel Safe?

I’d certainly love to hear anyone else’s stories in how they deal with relationship privacy as well as any past incidents in discovering a cheating partners’ activity and how you made the discovery.