dating

Stop Chasing Love & Let it Find You by Letting Your Light Shine

Aimee Ve

Jun 22, 2019 — 4 min read

Let Your Own Love Light Shine

Carolyn Kaufman Psy.D says that it is hard for single people to find a match, especially when they have failed many times.

Some experts are beginning to see that the trouble with dating is that dating advice might not be as helpful as it should be.

a man and woman in love and kissing — some dating advice is not that good

The Fault Lies Within

You have probably seen dating advice telling you that you need to change your approach to your dating profile and the way you talk to people you are interested in.

This may be true but it is not the whole truth.

Yes, what you say matters, but advice like this also implies that the reason you are failing to find lovelies with you.

The solution is not always changing your approach, especially if those steps have failed. Perhaps the answer is to find a way to be true to yourself rather than simply chasing a ghost. People who are single for a long time can lose confidence and fall into depression.

These are unattractive traits, so you need to work on finding yourself before you worry about love.

The key to finding yourself is to look for ways to focus on yourself.

Carmel Jones, founder of The Big Fling, promotes the idea of self-love and sex positivity through first-hand accounts.

Reading these accounts and learning about what you want from love could help.

Find a Balance Between You and Others

The idea that you have to find yourself or find a way to love yourself feels like a cliché because it is.

Still, depression and other issues that stem from living a single life need to be addressed.

After that, it is time to put yourself in a position where love might find you.

One way to do this is to join clubs, go to concerts, or join an online site, but the key is to join activities or groups that cater to who you are.

If you enjoy hiking, then it might be a good idea to join groups that focus on people who love hiking.

This increases your chances of being noticed by a person who shares your passions.

The reason you want to work on your own confidence is that it’ll help you shine if you know who are.

It also shows others who you are; even the bad parts are going to be seen.

Romance is not how it appears on television shows or in movies.

Romance is something that happens by allowing another person to see your faults and love you despite them.

The reason some relationships fail is that one person attempts to be a romanticized version of himself or herself at the beginning, which is something that cannot continue forever.

Work on Being Authentic

Authenticity is vital in healthy relationships.

This allows you to own your passions and makes your traits, even the bad ones, charm the right people.

The problem is that feelings of insecurity can sometimes make it hard to be authentic.

This leads some people to create other versions of themselves, which is one-way people end up in relationships that will likely fall apart.

You want to make sure that you do your best to improve your self-confidence.

Learning about who you are, what you want, and reading accounts of other people like you who were brave enough to take ownership of themselves could help, but there are other things you can do.

Consider the following tips:

Try self-affirming meditation or self-hypnosis.
Do something that scares you sometimes.
Find ways to make yourself useful to others, which helps make you feel important.
Fight that inner-critic of yours who’s been winning too many arguments.
Actively take care of yourself until it becomes second nature to you.
Do not be afraid to celebrate your achievements, even the small ones, and try to set yourself up for additional victories along the way.

This guide might not seem like it could help you find love but it can.

The person that is right for you are hoping to find a great person, meaning you have to work on becoming the best version of yourself before finding this person.