arguing

Couples Communication - Do It Right and Get More Connection

Martin Cooney

Jul 4, 2013 — 3 min read

Start With Good Communication Habits

this is not communicating well at all — **You really are doing it WRONG!**

You’re in a relationship, right?

And you probably think you’ve got a great and wonderful relationship going, don’t you?

But chances are the conversations you’ve had are largely superficial and, in the larger scheme of things, add little or no value to your future goals.

That’s where the importance of couples communication comes into play.

Couples Communication – The Downside

Like a business, without knowing exactly how you each understand the other and manner in which you process these thoughts, it’s likely that misunderstanding/s will be higher than what is possible.

Misunderstandings led to argument and outcomes in your relationship that are, in a word, bad.

This crap side has a nasty habit of the domino effect.

One bad experience compounds in more of them.

With a potential for a breakup and a divorce or separation.

You want to avoid those negative relationship outcomes and strive to better understand the nuances of couples communication, in the right way.

**Start couples communication to avoid misunderstandings**

Really Talking and Really Listening

Have you noticed that sometimes (or often) when you’re having a conversation with your partner that you’re spoken over, before you’ve finished what you had to say?

Listening Tip

At this point you need to pause and gently (and diplomatically) indicate you need to finish and they need to actively listen to your words.

There’s little point in continuing if there’s a lack of active listening on the other side since whatever it is that you’re talking about isn’t registering.

That’s a waste of breathe and effort.

Talking Tip

Responsibility to improve requires both people to be involved.

For some, the talking side requires some delicate finesse.

Try this: If you’ve got something important to talk about, begin by saying something along the lines of:

‘Babe, I want to chat about something and it’s going to be important for both of us that you let me finish as well as really listen and take in what I say. Is that OK with you?’.

Couples Communication for Understanding

In most relationships, each person will receive information in (potentially) a different manner than it was intended.

It’s natural for this to occur as we’re all individuals, have different historical experiences and view the world in ways differently to other people. So our cognitive skills vary as well as information processing.

When we talk and listen, the delivery and receipt of that information will certainly be varied.

Therein is the next subsequent challenge in ensuring you both understand.

Don’t Get Too Precious Either

When someone challenges another, by saying they might not understand something, it’s a natural human reaction to take a posture of defence.

Hey, no-one likes to be told they’re dumb, do they?

But that’s not what this is about so take some time for a discussion on your objectives. Which is to create a space for your relationship to fully blossom. An initial topic is how each person views the world through their own unique pair of rose-coloured glasses.

See where I’m going?

Avoid the dumb accusation and replace with calm objectives and a discussion point starter – that’s precisely where couples communication starts.

A Couple = two people with same/similar objectives
Communication = Convey objectives/thoughts so the recipient fully understands your intentions

The Nutshell Breakdown

Misunderstandings lead to a crappy relationship experience
It’s helpful to state intentions before broaching a new area, for the chat
Start active listening without interrupting – you’ll have ‘question time’
Avoid confrontation or demeaning challenges and start your first example talk with this blog post