How to Find a Philippines Girl, The Safe and Right Way
How to Find a Philippines Girl
I’ve lived in the Philippines for over Five years.
I’ve married a Filipina girl and now have two children, with a third on the way.
In addition to my own experience, I’ve also watched dozens of relationships between Filipina girls and Western men unfold.
I’ve seen many wonderful relationships form, as well as relationships that have crashed and burned. I have many pieces of advice that can help you find the right girl, if you’re interested in a relationship with a Pinay girl.
Fun Factory
The following experiences I’m going to share with you may shock you enough to make you think twice about finding a Filipina girl.
However, be aware that you can avoid these pitfalls with the right advice.
I’ll give you the pointers you need to avoid these traps later in the article.
Watch Out for the Pimps
I’ll start with myself.
Martin Cooney
Even when things go really well, some things can go very wrong. In my case, there is a very common situation that exists with Filipinas who are looking for foreign men. Many girls do not have access to computers and regular internet connections.
They often will have some older woman pretend to be them in contacting foreigners on their behalf. The older woman’s incentive for doing this?
They receive half of the money you send the girl.
Shocking?
Yes it’s shocking, and it is common. I know of several situations where this was the case, my own included. It is important to take note that in the Filipino mindset, it is not shocking. The girls end up finding a man they wouldn’t have otherwise found.
They appreciate the situation, and don’t mind losing half the money their man sends.
Half is better than nothing, right?
They keep this a secret of course, because their man might not approve.
I only found out long after being married.
You’re HOW old?
Other issues arise with age.
Here is a true story.
My wife and I typically will entertain foreigner men who come to date our friends or family. On one such occasion, a Canadian arrived and we all went out to a nearby island. On the boat ride out to the island, the girl and her foreigner were cuddling.
She was sitting in his lap, they were hugging and kissing.
Romance was full steam ahead with the couple.
It was a pleasant day at the beach, and then we all headed back.
A few weeks later I heard of an issue they were having. The guy wanted to send her money, but she couldn’t pick it up from Western Union. They were trying to figure out another family member who could receive the money. I asked, why can’t she pick the money up?
The answer: they will only give money if you are 18 or over. Confused, I asked the girl’s age. She was (drum roll) 15 years old.
Fifteen!
I asked “Does he know that?” No, he thinks she’s 18. Luckily, nothing happened to him. However, this is a very serious thing. Go watch a few episodes of “Locked Up Abroad” on Discovery Channel and find one that features a Philippines jail if the previous story doesn’t raise the hair on the back of your neck.
Dating websites don’t let girls sign up if they’re under 18.
If a girl happens to be younger than that and wants to sign up anyways – they will. Many Filipino families would be thrilled to pawn off their 15 year old daughter to speed up her becoming the goose that lays golden eggs. I’m aware of many instances of underage girls looking for guys. It is a common enough occurrence to warrant being extra careful if a girl’s profile says “18”.
In addition, think of how silly you would feel if you visited a girl, went back home and started processing paperwork to bring her home, and at the last moment it all falls apart because she lied about her age.
Lesbian Scammers
There are a very high percentage of Filipina girls who are lesbians that pursue men online – for no other purpose than to milk them for money.
From my experience, I’ve seen this destroy a few men’s lives. A large group of lesbians I’m aware of through family relations all have profiles online. When one of the girls gets a guy to send money, the group of them go partying at the local disco.
In one case I’m aware of, a guy from California came here to marry a girl.
Up until that point, the man was being used for money. After he arrived to marry her, her family put enormous pressure on her to get married. They would receive a lot of money if she married a foreigner. She however, didn’t want to – but she did anyways. On their honeymoon, she eloped with her lesbian lover, leaving both her new husband and her family behind. He stayed in the Philippines longer to work the situation out, spending all of his money.
He ended up losing his job over it.
Since then I’ve kept my eye on this girl’s attempts to scam and have rescued another guy from her clutches before it was too late.
This is just one of a few lesbian horror stories I could share.
There is no better career available to a young girl than to hook a foreigner man.
Average wages over here for an inexperienced young girl may be $100 USD per month for a full time job. If you send her $400, that may seem like “not much” to you, but to them it is four month’s salary for doing nothing. If she can float 3 other guys just like you, then she just made a full year’s salary for doing nothing more than pretending she likes you a few hours here-and-there. It is a tempting situation for girls who are not actually serious in finding a man and don’t have much of a conscience.
For that matter, married women or girls with boyfriends also scam men, with no intention of leaving their Filipino men.
There are countless situations that could unfold which place you in a situation of being used. However, if you do due diligence, you can find a Filipina girl that makes everything worth while.
Martin Cooney
Reasons to Find a Filipina Girl
Not all Filipina girls are bad news.
A disproportionate amount of girls on dating websites are scammers. In regular Philippines society, they are much fewer. In a bit I will explain how to stay away from the bad apples. In the meantime, let me explain a few things about Filipina girls as wives.
The first issue is the age-gap.
It is quite common for a foreigner to be from 15 to 30 years older than her Filipina girl.
You may find yourself asking, is that normal? At first, I wouldn’t believe it was possible. However, from all I’ve seen and experienced, this type of age gap is not a deal breaker. I won’t go so far as to say it doesn’t matter, though. In a very real, practical sense – you are bringing things to the table, and the girl is bringing things to the table.
She is bringing her youth, beauty and dedication to being a good wife or girlfriend.
You are bringing stability and providing a lifestyle above and beyond she would ever experience if she settled on most Filipino men. It would be infinitely naive to think that a Filipina girl who is 15 to 30 years younger than you would consider it equitable if you are unable to provide either stability or an improvement in lifestyle.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not painting all Filipina girls out to be gold diggers.
However, you need to be a provider. Her family will need a little assistance now and then. She may want children, and have them go to college. She may wish to go to college herself. This is your responsibility (not only in their opinion, but in mine as well). If you are barely making ends meet as-is, you have no business looking for a Filipina girl – it will not end well.
So in answering this question about age: Will a Filipina girl truly love you even if you are 15 to 30 years older?
The answer is a conditional yes.
If you are bringing what you are supposed to bring to the table, she will have no issues bringing what she needs to as well.
One last caution about age, however.
If you find yourself an 18 to 20 year old, you are then dealing with an 18 to 20 year old girl’s mentality. If you are 50, that mentality is going to be enormously different than your own on many issues. This is not exclusively a Filipina issue. Any 20 year old girl you find from any nationality would have the same maturity issues. The older of a girl you find, the more likely she is to be more mature.
The Filipino society is very conservative. Girls here desire traditional families. It is certainly ok for a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman.
One of the best reasons to find a Filipina girl (at least in my opinion), is that relations with the right girl are permanent.
There is no divorce in the Philippines.
It is not in their mindset that once married, that finding another man is even an option. It is NOT an option. People go to jail in the Philippines for adultery.
Recently I was reading about a story of a Brit who went into hiding, and had to bribe his way out of the country, in order to avoid a seven year jail sentence because the woman he slept with was already married.
Does that scare you?
Then perhaps a Filipina girl isn’t for you. Personally, I think it is one of their best traits.
How to Avoid Being Scammed
Here is my advice for finding a Filipina girl the right way.
By following these rules, you can limit your risk and avoid many potential problems.
First of all, do not contact any Filipina girls until you’ve set the date you can come to the Philippines.
Give yourself up to two months.
No longer than two months.
Once you know the date you can come, join any of the many romance websites that have Filipinas. They will contact you. When I joined blossoms.com, I received around 150 contacts the first week.
Having girls to choose from will not be a problem.
This next part will be hard, but you HAVE to do it!
Do NOT become romantically involved with any of them.
Become friends with many.
You will let these girls know you’re looking for a girlfriend or wife. However, you will say you cannot become romantically involved with someone you have never met.
They must know when you come to the Philippines that you will be meeting her, as well as many other girls. She will not become jealous or think that’s weird, because you are only friends with her!
Tell her that you will select your girl after meeting with them in person.
This kills so many birds with one stone.
- They won’t ask for or expect money.
- Why would they get money from you when they are just a friend, and you are considering many other girls?
- This works for you psychologically.
- If they realize they have competition to win you, they consider you more appealing.
- They behave.
- They haven’t “won” you yet.
- It teaches a girl to not be spoiled or think they can get away with anything, and it works in your favor.
- You can’t be scammed if you don’t send money.
- If they are only out for money, they will be less likely to keep up a charade if they know they won’t get any.
- When you are in “friend looking for a wife” mode, you can get away with stuff that is much more difficult than when you’re already committed.
- You can be nonchalant about asking for her birth certificate, or to prove any particular thing, without seeming distrusting. “I’m sorry, this is a list of things I have to ask all girls.
- Every girl I’m meeting has to answer these questions.” This way you are not singling her out in mistrust.
- It is ok to exclude a girl and being wrong for doing so.
- You don’t have to prove your gut instincts!
- If she looks a little too preoccupied while chatting with her, it doesn’t matter if she’s chatting with other guys or other girl friends of hers – if it makes you feel uncomfortable, move on to the next girl.
- Filipina girls wanting foreign men outweigh foreign men wanting Filipina’s many times over, you have a large selection and can afford to be extra picky.
It’s called playing “hard to get”.
It works.
Now, while these girls are your friend, here are the red flags you need to be looking out for. These red flags disqualify them, if they do these things then forget them and move on to the next girl!
- They won’t introduce you to many friends or family. Filipina girls have HUGE families. If after talking with them for a week or two, you’ve only heard of one, two or none of them – this is a red flag. If they won’t introduce you to their family, perhaps they are hiding their activities from their family. The only reason they would do that is if they are scamming guys.
- If you catch them in a lie. Any lie, big or small, is enough to disqualify a girl.
- Be on the lookout for anything fishy. If you’re chatting with her online and she suddenly has to go with no explanation (perhaps another guy came online she needs to talk to). Trust your gut instinct every time.
Finally, write a list of what is important to you.
Stay true to your list.
- Do you not want to have children?
- Mention it to the girl before you get serious.
- Ask if it is ok.
- Do it before you’re romantically involved.
- Do you want to live in the US?
- Move to the Philippines?
- Be a traveling vagabond?
Discuss sex expectation, not in a dirty way but in a “After we are in a committed relationship, married, etc. … I think we should have sex this often, what is your opinion?
What about when you’re pregnant (if you decide to have children)?
Have it all in writing, and discuss it with each girl. These types of discussions are far easier to have before you are romantically involved.
The reason you do this is because they are mostly all pretty. Pretty faces are easy to fall in love with. However, once that novelty wears off, you have to deal with this girl’s temperament and habits. Some of the advice I recommended above, I didn’t do (I sent money). However, having my list of important things and discussing it with each girl is one of the things I did do – and I’m so glad I did.
Living in the Philippines has been an awesome experience.
I may write another huge article explaining my move to the Philippines, how my career changed and how I make money living here.
Lovense
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