harmony

Zombie Relationships in a Post Apocalyptic World

Apr 4, 2012 — 5 min read

Living With Zombies

Zombies will freaking kill you!

You think it’s tough living with a real live man or woman today, what until you have Zombies trying to chew your arse off.

The living dead aren’t so forgiving as a real life flesh-and-blood man or woman when it comes to the apocalypse, raining down on you.

When given the choice of looking for a win-win resolution, a human being with a normal brain is far likely to want to live in harmony.

When you have a healthy relationship with a non-zombie, survival will be easier.

You’ve got someone to depend on, help you with planning future food raids and generally covering your back so it doesn’t get chewed on.

It’s a bit like life in the 20th Century, isn’t it (other than the flesh eating part)?

Let’s redefine the importance of monogamy when you’re surrounded by the angry undead hordes.

You’re a man and a woman, looking to survive the outside nasties.

At every turn, there’s a prevailing threat that something has the potential to tear your partnership asunder.

What are your needed battle tactics?

“In the Zombie Apocalypse”

Communicate intentions (stick together no matter how hard it gets)
Be aware zombies will be looking to take you out (you might just be looking for some 10 year old cans of baked beans with a fellow zombie killers but they might be infected too.)
Never think you are always safe. Flesh Eaters know if you’re weak and will likely bide their time in looking for the opportunity when you show that weakness to them.

“In The Real 20th Century World”

Communicate intentions (stick together no matter how hard it gets)
Be aware other single people will be looking to take you out (you might just be working with a fellow work collegue but that Christmas party when you’re drunk is a killer.)
Never think you are always safe.
- Adulterers know if you’re weak and will likely bide their time in looking for the opportunity when you show weakness to them.

You can’t live with a soulless corpse.

“In the Zombie Apocalypse”

A long term apocalyptic relationship can’t survive when the partnership has weak or unsteady foundations
Get your team of two on track to survive, despite the dangers and hardships against a world of the living dead.
Treat your zombie fighting partner with respect, honesty and make sure they know what’s going on – they’re the ones watching your back, aren’t they?

“In The Real 20th Century World”

A healthy relationship can’t survive when the partnership has weak or unsteady foundations
Get your team of two on track to survive, despite the dangers and hardships against a world of decaying morales and supposed financial burden.
Treat your loving partner with respect, honesty and make sure they know what’s going on – they’re the ones watching your back, aren’t they?

No one knows you as well as your gun toting babe.

And no one can exist in a partnership where that other soul looks back at you with a vacant stare.

“In the Zombie Apocalypse”

You know Zombies don’t communicate all that well, right? (Except with gnashing teeth)
And they don’t want to either.
- Groans are typically something you hear when you’re about to get eaten.
So living with a Zombie will most certainly see you ending the relationship, real quick.
- Death, maybe.
There isn’t too many compliments you can give, to make it better, either.
- (“Hey babe, I love those milky lifeless eyes and festering blisters” – doesn’t do it, does it?)

“In The Real 20th Century World”

Man and woman – they’re built to communicate with each other.
Your partner really does want to talk to you but just might be ‘stuck’.
- You make the first move, without any sort of blame or judgement.
The groans you want to hear are the ones of pleasure.
Humans love knowing they’re special.
- Compliments to your gun toting sweetheart will bring love and survival.
- Try it!